Out with the Old, in with the New Year.

24 Jan

This is my brain
And it’s fine
It’s where I spend the vast majority of my time
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
-Tim Minchin


So, I’m kind of really bad for keeping up with online things (my YouTube channel is way behind, and now this).

I apologize.

But I must say, things are good!

Since we last got together, you and I, I have become more healthy in the mind than I ever have – and by that I mean, I successfully came off of the dreaded Effexor.  If you’ve never heard of it, you’re lucky, if you have heard of it – I hope you never have to deal with it yourself.

Let me start from the beginning…

I started Effexor roughly 2 years ago.  At the time, I was still diagnosed with Bipolar (II), but given the very little time any psych doc spent with me, they wouldn’t really know my true diagnosis at the time (I’ll get to that).  The doctor at the time wanted to make sure I was on the strongest dose of one of the nastiest antidepressants out there, and boy did it suck.

I was still very sick – as you can recall, I lost jobs, and have been an emotional mess.  This made me so frustrated, that I was going to come off these damn meds myself if it killed me (scary thing is, they very well could have).  So I called everyone I could think of who could switch my meds (without having to go back to London) and finally was able to meet up with a psych doc via video conferencing (Oooo! Fancy technology!). [Sidenote:  there are NO psychiatrists where I live, and also no available doctors.  You’d think I was living in the middle of nowhere.]  Anyways, I met with the doctor and within minutes he was telling me about how the drugs I’m on are potentially making my ‘episodes’ even worse.  Great.  After telling my life story to what feels like the millionth person, he said that what I have is actually Rapid Cycling Bipolar along with Bipolar I (which makes WAY more sense).  So, on wards to my journey.

Coming off Effexor was pure hell. I have survived benzodiazepine withdrawal, and now this.  This hurricane in my head, making me dizzy, emotional, nauseous, wanting to stab my head – it was brutal.  I even went to the ER because I was sure I was dying (and I really, REALLY hate going to the ER).  While I was there, the doctor’s request was to just, “go back on them” to make the spins stop.  Um, no thanks.  I also stupidly decided to taper right before Christmas, which meant I was sick for Christmas, New Years, and then my 29th birthday a couple weeks after.


Ah, but now… since tapering off, my head seems so much clearer, and I now have energy to do stuff again.  It’s really like a breath of fresh air.  Also, my mom has been pushing me to get my photos out to the world, so I’m slowly doing that as well (come visit me at: http://nicoleelliott.wix.com/nicoleleephotography !!!)

I am, unfortunately, back on a new med – Abilify – because everyone around me seems to think I MUST be medicated.  Someday I really hope to be free of it all, though. Maybe old age will rid me of my mental sickness and I’ll feel like I’m 29 all over again and live the life I’ve always wanted.

Until then, this is me.
Now to get rid of the remaining side effects..

Hope you are all doing well!


P.S. I don’t think I’ve even talked about the newest addition to the family –
Meet Basal! Our tripaw’d bengal kitten!! He is a little ball of destruction, but we love him 🙂



Donkeys… because… LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE..




Ragged Falls – Oxtongue River Provincial Park, just before we got totally dumped on with snow 🙂



One Response to “Out with the Old, in with the New Year.”


  1. Oops, Wrong Medication Dosage | Masochist Musing - February 15, 2014

    […] Out with the Old, in with the New Year. (writingsofamadwoman.wordpress.com) […]

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